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USS Murgatroid, NCC-4711\4Q
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in USS Murgatroid's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
12:27 pm
Captain's Log - Summary After-Action Report Begins.

I was in my quarters, during an off-duty shift, when I received an emergency call from the Mib Khan on the bridge. He sounded irrational and panicked, and said that the Murgatroid had been captured by an unexpected gravity well and was having trouble breaking free. He insisted upon beaming me to the bridge via intraship transport immediately. I consented, and dematerialized from my quarters. When I rematerialized, still barefoot and in my meditation robes, I found myself in a forest.

When I did not appear on the bridge, and the crew was unable to locate me, my wife T'Vit insisted upon personally interrogating the Khan on duty, despite the difference in rank. Although she determined that Khan's uncharacteristic panic was the result of unauthorized usage of hallucinogenic chemicals while on duty, she accepted the report written up by the other Khan clones that this Khan was a flawed copy, the result of an error in the duplication process, and that its actions could not be used against the remainder of the Khan collective. She personally ensured that the "flawed" clone was disposed of, despite that not being part of her quartermaster "job description", and "encouraged" the other Khans (with the same phaser which had just been used for "flawed clone disposal") to determine what had gone wrong, and where Captain Storvik was.

The problem was traced to an error in navigation. Specifically, the Murgatroid was supposed to be on a heading for Deep Space Nine but was instead set on a course for Starbase Nine. Because of this confusion, the ship was taken unaware by a black star in Starbase Nine's vicinity. At the exact moment of my transport, Chief Engineer Ifix had managed to break away from the high gravitational attraction of the dark star by operating the warp engines at full power in reverse. This breakaway caused a temporary and microscopic rupture in the time-space continuum, through which I passed while in incorporeal particulate form. While the Murgatroid remained at its proper position on the timeline, I found myself light years away on Earth … and in the past.

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
11:04 am
Bridge to Nowhere

"What the hell happened to his voice?" Ditzbrain asked Heavens after laying in the course. "And his hair?"

"I don't ask questions anymore," Heavens replied. "I mean, I probably should have asked him to repeat those orders, but I got the gist. I just shrug and roll with it. I mean, at least he's not wearing Lothar's pink dress."

"Could it be a mid-life crisis?" Ditzbrain wondered. "I mean, if a Vulcan simply getting horny can lead to a fight to the death, how bad are their mid-life crises?"

"He's a Vulcan. He's still not old enough for one of those yet."

10:18 am
Hair of the Dog

Storvik returned to his quarters and applied the Rapid Hair-Gro™ to his scalp (after replicating rubber gloves and a breathing mask, as per Doctor Mib Khan's advice) and watched as the hair sprouted forth. It grew longer than he normally kept his hair (apparently, he had applied the salve too thickly; he would have to find the correct amounts by trial and error); but once he'd more-or-less combed it into submission, he contacted the bridge. It was time to set a course for Deep Space Nine.

"Bridge, Heavens speaking," came the response.

"Hab Ditbrade sed a cause fo duhbaze dine," ordered Storvik, whose throat and sinuses had not yet fully recovered from their former hirsuteness.

"Umm, yessir," Heavens replied. As soon as the Vulcan broke the connection, she turned to the navigator and said "Ditzbrain, set a course for Starbase Nine."

Friday, September 26th, 2008
2:58 pm
Regarding Field Density Between Universes

I have submitted a report to Starfleet, bearing the signatures of both myself¹ and Evil Storvik (forged), containing my conclusions based upon a review of all available data relating to the crossover events between this universe and the one designated as the "Mirror Universe". A summary follows.

The first known crossover event involved Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the (Constitution class) USS Enterprise while in orbit around the Halkan homeworld. A freak ion storm, occurring simultaneously in the same corresponding space/time locus in two universes, managed to somehow lower the field density between the two universes sufficiently that a transporter beam from each universe was able to "punch" through to the other side, transposing the analogous crewmembers from each universe into the other. The lowered field density was only temporary, however; and Kirk's landing party was able to duplicate the conditions to transport back home to their own universe (this one) before conditions made such a transposal impossible. It is important to note that such a cross-universal transporter accident is normally impossible, and was only able to occur due to the lowered intra-universal field densities, which "heal" over time.

The next recorded² crossover event occurred many years later near space station Deep Space Nine in the Bajor system. Bajoran Major Kira Nerys and Starfleet Medical Officer Julian Bashir, both assigned to Deep Space Nine, were accidentally transposed into the Mirror Universe while their runabout's warp field collapsed improperly as they entered the Bajoran wormhole. Once again, this incident "punched" a hole between the two universes; a much larger one than the hole caused by the Halkan ion storm. Because of this, intra-universal transport was once again possible; and it took approximately four point seven years before the field densities between the universes healed sufficiently to render intra-universal transport once again impossible. The last recorded crossover event before that occurred involved the Ferengi Grand Nagus Zek and two other Ferengi from Deep Space Nine.

The most recent incident once again involved a runabout "punching" through to the Mirror Universe, this one involving Lieutenant Diziara and two other personnel from the USS Takeda Shingen. Based upon the figures obtained from their runabout's computers and a subsequent survey of the area, and correlated with the data from the previous incidents, it appears as though the field densities between the two universes have once again been reduced to a level which will allow intra-universal transport. This "window of vulnerability" will last a minimum of three years and a maximum of five. I recommend that Starfleet, particularly Deep Space Nine, be placed on a heightened alert to keep vigilant for the possibility of crossovers from the Mirror Universe. I also recommend that Starfleet or the Vulcan Science Academy assign to DS9 somebody who has specialized in this area of astrophysics, to make a more detailed study of the local conditions and perhaps provide early warning of any attempts to crossover from the other side.

The danger is not, however, immediate. In the original incident, Kirk's landing party were able to easily duplicate the conditions of the crossover because the ion storm had been observed and recorded by the ISS Enterprise. Every intra-universal fistula has a different harmonic; and since the personnel on Terok Nor in the Mirror Universe did not directly observe the crossover of Nerys and Bashir's runabout, it took a great deal more effort (the actual amount of time and personnel involved in the effort is unknown) before they were able to duplicate it (approximately a year later, "Smiley" O'Brien was able to transport himself from Terok Nor to Deep Space Nine in order to abduct Captain Benjamin Sisko). Given that, it should be a matter of some months, at minimum, before the residents of that universe are able to once again duplicate the conditions allowing them to transport into this one (as the report filed by officers Diziara, Spiegel, and Connor all agree that their crossover was also unobserved).

¹As much of this speculation and analysis is more within my field than my analog's, I decided that the report would carry more credibility were my name attached along with his.
²The data suggests that another crossover incident occurred within a year of the Halkan crossover incident, but I can find no record of such an event occurring. It is possible that it did not occur in Federation space.

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
8:21 am
Reflections Upon The Mirror

The USS Murgatroid was just contacted by Starfleet, who were looking for Evil Storvik. As he has left for parts unknown on Surak's Razor, despite being specifically ordered to remain under my observation on the Murgatroid, I had to "cover" for him. Fortunately, since this was not a "face-to-face" meeting but simply a short subspace conversation on my viewscreen, I have not yet had to test with Doctor Mib Khan's rapid hair-growth experimental serum in order to give myself a goatee like the one sported by my analog – I simply had one placed upon my face by the ship's holoemitters. The routines for placing holograms upon a person's body, and keeping them properly located despite any movement of the individual in question, were perfected years ago when we required the holoemitters to keep trousers upon the former captain whenever he was outside of his quarters.

In any event, the reason for the communiqué was that another accidental parallel universe crossover event has just occurred, involving three crewmembers from the USS Takeda Shingen. Even though this incident did not involve the parallel universe from which Evil Storvik originated, he was still furnished a copy of the reports as he is listed as an expert consultant for this category of phenomena. By odd coincidence, one of the three crewmembers is known to me: I have encountered Lieutenant Diziara before on Starbase 668 – I was unaware that she had been transferred to starship duty. The reports are currently in limited distribution (though not declared "secret" outright) while they are being analyzed; if past patterns are replicated they will eventually be added to the Starfleet Academy curriculum on parallel universes, and sent as updates to Starfleet personnel (in particular, those on station Deep Space Nine) in order to serve as a reminder and warning of the dangers that such trans-universal crossover events present.

As it happens, it is fortuitous for Starfleet that I an currently impersonating Evil Storvik. While he was trained as a security and counter-espionage officer, I was a science officer before taking command of the Murgatroid; and, as such, am more conversant with the higher math and abstract theories that are linked to the studies of parallel universe phenomena. I will go over all of the data which I have received, and see if there are any hitherto unknown conclusions which I can reach and report back to Starfleet.

Sunday, June 29th, 2008
2:25 pm
Mime Time

One day, Captain Storvik was walking toward sickbay with Doctor Mib Khan when they discovered a crewman acting oddly – and "oddly" in a different manner from any of the odd ways that USS Murgatroid crewmembers had previously been observed to act. Ensign Robert MacAllister was standing in place, beating at the air in front of him as if it were an invisible wall, and opening his mouth as if he were shouting … but no sounds were coming out.

Khan pulled out his medical tricorder and did a quick scan of the ensign, who had stopped his rage against the atmosphere but was still giving the appearance of speaking soundlessly. "Other than obvious signs of stress," Khan said, "there does not appear to be anything wrong with MacAllister. Not even laryngitis." He put the tricorder back, and added, "If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was carrying out an old Terran practice called 'mime' that was eradicated in the late twenty-first century. See, he's making no sound and pretending to be behind an invisible wall." MacAllister reached out to the doctor with a pleading look on his face, and Khan attempted to take his hand … but was blocked.

"He does not appear to be pretending, doctor, unless this 'mime' is contageous," Storvik said, as Khan also placed his hands on the invisible wall surrounding MacAllister. The Vulcan pulled out his technical tricorder, and scanned the area around the ensign. "It is a force field, created and maintained by the holoemitters in the corridor. Fortunately for Mister MacAllister, the computer's safety protocols are rendering it permeable to air so that he does not asphyxiate. It is doubtless also the holographic system which is dampening his speech so that we cannot hear him."

"Medical override," Khan said aloud, directed at the computer. "Release Ensign MacAllister from the force field, and deactivate the sound dampening as well."

"Aw, man, thanks," said the ensign. "I was beginning to think—" The ensign stopped, a look of shock on his face as he nearly fell over. He pulled himself upright, but with an apparent great effect. To all appearances, he was struggling against an invisible wind.

"Computer," began Storvik, but not quickly enough. Before the Vulcan could deactivate this latest manifestation of the holographic system which was active throughout the majority of the USS Murgatroid's interior, ensign MacAllister was blown down the corridor by a mighty wind which no one else felt, and slammed into a bulkhead. He slipped to the floor, unconscious. "Who would," the Vulcan started again, and then was joined by Doctor Khan as they both said simultaneously: "Lothar."

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008
11:52 am
Echoes of T'Lothvik

They are fewer and further between, but I am still having "incidents" related to the recent mind-meld with Counsellor Lothar. I do not know whether or not I am capable of completely suppressing these alien urges; because, in all honesty, I am not making my best attempt to do so. Instead, I am allowing myself to experience them, and finding them most … "educational". I am, however, doing my best to conceal them from all of those around me – in part by confining myself to the holodeck, with full privacy engaged, when I allow the "feelings" to overcome me. I know that my father Captain Daddy-Storvik has not broken the privacy seal of the holodeck while I have been inside; and the only other member of the crew with such access, Doctor Mib Khan, has given no sign that he has, either.

Among the things I practice on the holodeck, when I feel echoes of T'Lothvik, is the use of simple, violent means to create complex, sophisticated results. I have been running the Japanese Zen Garden program, and using explosives and projectiles to shape the ripples in the sand. I have shown my parents the results, but not the methodology; they describe them as "serene", "logical", and "balanced" with what pride they are willing and capable of expressing.

I have spied on Counsellor Lothar, and can see that he is also suffering from echoes of T'Lothvik. I say "suffering", because he clearly (to me) does not wish to continue experiencing them but does not have the mental training to block them. It might be considered ironic that I do have the training, but am not attempting to make use of it. Nobody else has noticed the changes in Lothar because they haven't been watching him as closely as I have. (In fact, Lieutenant Heavens once told me that the preferred method of watching Lothar is by long-range sensors from a minimum of 47 light years away.) I have seen Lothar using complex, sophisticated means to create simple, violent results – Most recently, he has used nanotechnology and advanced gene splicing to genetically engineer swords. Last night, he bred a katana with a long sword without benefit of matrimony in order to create a bastard sword.

If Evil Storvik had been aware of any of this, he most likely would not have explained phaser operation to me today. My father was sufficiently concerned about the fact that "mother" had done so, that it did not occur to him to speculate upon my motivations in seeking such knowledge.

In any event, I have been strictly forbidden to engage in any other unauthorized mind melds until Auntie'Vit has continued my training and certified me ready. She has not yet resumed my training, believing (correctly, as it were) that I need recovery time from my imperfect meld with Lothar. As long as I am feeling these echoes, I shall delay the resumption of my training. I do not know why both of my parents have refused to mind meld with me, leaving such training to Auntie'Vit; they have not answered my queries in this area, nor have I been able to discover any reasons in my searches (licit and otherwise) through the USS Murgatroid's computers.

7:55 am
Have Phaser, Will Travel

Captain Storvik's shift on the bridge was due to begin. (He used to work two of the three daily shifts, at minimum, back when KY Jellico was nominally in command and Mib Khan had not yet developed his cloning apparatus; the new arrangement was much more conducive to married life and child raising, even for Vulcans.) He generally brought his daughter T'Sorvik with him to the bridge, in order to further her education – there had not been a major crisis yet since their return from a seven-year diversion through time; should one occur, she would be in the care of T'Vit while Storvik dealt with the matter.

T'Sorvik had been spending time with her "mother", the captain's analog from the "Dark Mirror" universe (a nomenclature recently established by those in Starfleet studying the matter), Evil Storvik. Storvik stopped by his doppelgänger's quarters on the way to the bridge, to retrieve their daughter. As was his perogative as captain, and because he had determined it to be logical to occasionally catch the not-completely-trustworthy Vulcan unprepared, Storvik entered Evil Storvik's quarters unannounced. Upon entry, he was greeted with the sight of his daughter holding a phaser. "Look what I found, Daddy!"

Storvik took the phaser from her, and examined it. It was definitely a real, fully-functional phaser, not a replica; yet, to the best of Storvik's recollection, Evil Storvik did not have a weapon. He turned it over, and saw the words "Property of Starbase 668" stamped on the bottom. "Can you explain this?" Storvik asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Actually, I cannot," replied Evil Storvik, raising the corresponding eyebrow. "I was led to believe that your socialist Federation had abolished the concept of 'property' over a standard century ago." After Storvik raised another eyebrow, and Evil Storvik matched the ante with another eyebrow of his own, Evil Storvik continued, "If you ask an imprecise question, you will get an imprecise answer." (Brief pause.) "I obtained this phaser in a bar fight on Starbase 668, and was explaining its operation to our daughter."

The two adult Vulcans continued to stare at each other, and an impartial observer could be forgiven for gaining the impression that they were competing to see who could raise their eyebrows the highest. "One, two, three, four; I declare an eyebrow war!" giggled T'Sorvik.

Current Mood: none

Sunday, March 9th, 2008
3:00 am
What do you mean, daylight? We're in deep space!
Khan looked at the chronometer display on the viewscreen. He was doing night shift on the bridge. There was nothing to look at. Well, there was a starfield, and a chronometer. Time was moving really slowly for some reason. He watched the time turn...1:58...1:59...3:00. 3:00???

Khan looked around at the other bridge crew of the uss_murgatroid. It was night shift. Odds were only about 20% on anyone paying attention, even if they'd been given incentives (e.g. sex, drugs, or a "Get away from Lothar free" point-to-point transport subroutine). Khan counted the number of non-holographic crew...nope, no chance he'd get that 20%. Khan chalked it up to either another space-time anomaly or one really, really long blink.

Current Mood: confused
Monday, February 11th, 2008
2:53 pm
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

After meeting with "Evil" Storvik, Captain Storvik decided that he needed to take some form of precautions to "cover his posterior" (as the humans say) in the event that the other Vulcan left the USS Murgatroid. He went to the bridge and consulted with the Mib Khan clone currently on the command shift. "If at all possible," he began, "I would request that you develop a method for rapidly growing and removing facial hair. I may need to impersonate my analog." If Starfleet called the Murgatroid, Storvik figured that he could pretend to be "Evil" Storvik in order to convince them that the other Vulcan was still under his control.

After meeting with Captain Storvik, Evil Storvik decided that he needed to take some form of precautions to "cover his posterior" (as the humans say) in the event that he was discovered away from the USS Murgatroid. He went to the sickbay and consulted with the Mib Khan clone currently on medical duty. "If at all possible," he began, "I would request that you develop a method for rapidly removing and regrowing facial hair. I may need to impersonate my analog." If Starfleet caught him off of the Murgatroid, "Evil" Storvik figured that he could pretend to be Storvik, because the other Vulcan still had his freedom.

Moments later, in his quarters, a third Mib Khan clone sat up in surprise. He had just received his memory updates from the other clones on the Murgatroid, and was suffering from something similar to deja vu. A glitch in the ansible system perhaps, or maybe a form of mnemonic echo, had caused him to receive two almost identical memories simultaneously. "Am I seeing double?" he asked himself aloud.

"You're not seeing double," replied his Orion nurse Pooky, who lay to his left in bed.

"You're getting us in stereo," added his other Orion nurse Shiny, who lay to his right.

"As long as I'm not getting mono," murmured Khan, who had decided that any investigation of the flaws in his ansible update system could wait…

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
10:35 am
I'll Buy That For A Credit!

Evil Storvik, who had been in hiding on Surak's Razor until the USS Murgatroid left Starbase 668, has just hailed the ship and beamed aboard. Lieutenant Heavens made sure that there was a glass of Romulan ale waiting for him in the transporter room (this was a party, after all), and also told him that Captain Storvik was expecting him. "There's no rush though," the Lieutenant assured the goateed Vulcan. "In fact," she added, grabbing a random engineer, "we're about to have a limbo contest. Join us?"

Evil Storvik declined, as the name of the event (a mythical human afterlife, if he recalled correctly) sounded … ominous.

Thursday, December 27th, 2007
8:12 am
O Brother, Where Art Thou?

When Captain Storvik announced to the crew that Brother Lothar had been left behind on Starbase 668, the crew insisted on throwing a huge party. Food (and various other plants from Alabama Picard's hydroponics lab) and alcohol (and various other chemicals from Mib Khan's private supply) were passed around freely (as were Khan's Orion nurses, Pooky and Shiny).

Khan did have to warn a certain ensign not to wear a t-shirt reading "One Down, One To Go!" Didn't they teach self-preservation at the Academy anymore?

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
8:12 am

T'Sorvik has been completely healed from the minor physical injuries she suffered while merged with Counsellor Lothar. Only time will tell if she has suffered any long-lasting mental effects from the mind meld; there are certain to be some minor short-term "flashbacks" (to use a human term) but at this point we can only wait and observe. If there were any instabilities introduced into her psyche by her ill-advised and inexperienced mind meld with the cousellor, then an additional mind meld by T'Vit too soon thereafter could compound the damage.

The USS Murgatroid is almost ready to depart from Starbase 668. Until she does, both T'Vit and I shall be busy. We have therefore confined T'Sorvik to our quarters until we depart, and are able to keep better control of her. She is, in any event, forbidden to engage in any mind melds (or prolonged physical contact, of course) with any member of the crew without our explicit permission.

Counsellor Lothar was not to blame for the "T'Lothvik" incident, as it was not his idea nor was he able to stop T'Sorvik (given his complete physical immobility at the time). I have still asked him to minimize his contact with my daughter in the future. "Whatever, daddy," he replied, then quickly added, "I mean, umm, daddy-o. It's cool, daddy-o."

More human slang for me to look up, no doubt.

In any event, Counsellor Lothar was completely mobile (and mad) when Alabama Picard finally climbed out of a vent in search of his mislaid mannequin. He quickly returned to his hydroponics lab empty handed; well, empty handed except for his overly-large tomatoes. Mib Khan said that more than a handful was wasted anyway.

Lothar, still in his metal alloy kilt, set off in pursuit of Picard, muttering about wanting a PLT sandwich. I can only assume the "P" stands for "Picard", but Khan obviously misheard the Counsellor. "A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich?" he said to himself. "I knew that the conversion to Islam wouldn't last, but I thought alcohol would be what broke him first."

Unfortunately, Lothar left before I could remind him that his kilt was created from a door in one of the holographic sections of the Murgatroid; meaning that once Lothar leaves the portions of the ship equipped with holoemitters, his kilt will vanish. All I can do now is ensure that I will not be present when this event occurs.

Thursday, December 13th, 2007
12:59 pm
Oh Crap.
Lothar stood there for a minute, not really sure what was going on or how he had got there. He had some dim memories that were trying to assert themselves into his consciousness but his brain was rebelling; and as with all things Lothar, it was rebelling violently.

It killed the idea that he had had a child inside of him that was controlling him.

It destroyed the idea that he was currently eating a chess bishop and had won several games of chess by thinking.

And it completely annihilated the very thought of any kind of hint that there might possibly have been even the slightest chance that he had just given birth to a seven-year-old Vulcan girl that was swept away by Storvik, his wife, and one of the doctor's clones. Not only did Lothar's brain annihilate that idea, it wanted to annihilate everything that could possibly have been a witness to the events that really really really didn't happen.

His eyes turned to the ensign that was still in his grip. Lothar grinned.

The Ensign, having never before seen a grin on Lothar, let alone had one directed at him, promptly passed out...

Above him in the Jeffries tube, Alabama Picard was wondering what the heck was going on. Something about Lothar eating T'Sorvik, eating a chest, and gambling. He needed to get closer to the source of the voices. Just as he got there, he received a shock...

Lothar quickly removed the pink dress, noting that he was now only wearing a very uncomfortable thong. He put the dress on the ensign and launched him into the ceiling.

Alabama was shocked, surprised, and then enthusiastic. Shocked that the impact of the ceiling directly to the skull of an ensign had not shattered it like a walnut (this was a space-faring vessel, after all); surprised that the pink dress really went well with the blood and bruising on his neck; and enthusiastic that he had finally found a winter!!!

Lothar stomped around the corridor for a minute. He wanted to kill, he wanted to hunt down the people responsible and hurt them in ways that he hadn't even thought of yet, and he wanted to sit down and discuss in full the ramifications of altering a person's dress while they were functionally immobile.

Er … What?

He stood still for a few minutes and thought about what he was just thinking. Kill, hurt, discuss. Something didn't belong. Something wasn't right, but right now he needed to find Storvik and ask him why he wanted to call him "daddy."

Lothar ripped a door from its tracks and carved a tartan pattern into it with his finger. He then fashioned a kilt for himself so that he wouldn't be trudging around the ship in just a thong. Again.

"Discuss? What was I thinking...?"

8:12 am
T'Sorvik Is Pooped
As the robohamsters attacked T'Sorvik, Lothar began to jump up and down and squeal in a high pitched voice. Because they were still connected by a (deteriorating) mild meld, he was feeling the pain along with her.

Outside of Lothar, there was confusion – but at the same time, all of those present made the same decision upon the most logical course of action: They began to back away outside of Lothar's range. Or, at the very least, to back away; it was not always easy to know what Lothar's range was. Mib Khan continued to scan with his tricorder, but it was still unable to tell him what was happening inside the counsellor.

Inside of Lothar, there was also confusion. The robohamsters, acting under very simple directives, were attempting to sample and analyze the intruder, while at the same time attempting to either drive it out of Lothar's internal workings or incapacitate it. Their analyses were confused, since their nibbles were sampling both the blood inside her body and the oils and other substances from Lothar's machinery on the outside of her body. They weren't sure, but they suspected that the intruder might be a cyborg of some type, possibly even a Borg drone. They continued to nibble, while they conferred.

Meanwhile, Lothar was also in pain from the attacks (albeit minor so far) upon T'Sorvik. When the robohamsters detected pain coming from Lothar, they naturally assumed that the intruder was fighting back and hurting their host. They redoubled their efforts. T'Sorvik managed to grab and smash one of them, but lost a finger in the process. Finally, as what remained of the merged "T'Lothvik" realized what was happening, it voluntarily severed the mental connection. T'Sorvik and Lothar were individuals once more, and it was time for the girl to leave. She dragged herself to the access port leading out, kicking and crushing a few robohamsters on the way.

With a grunt and groan, T'Sorvik plummeted out from underneath Lothar's dress into a twitching lump on the floor. She was covered with scratches, small bites, blood, oil, and dirt. Storvik grabbed the medical tricorder from Khan and ran to his daughter to check on her, as Khan smacked his commbadge and ordered an emergency transport for four (T'Vit also moved into position) to sickbay.

Muttering "show over", Ifix turned to the turbolift and returned to engineering, hoping that he would be able to read the girl's report about Lothar's inner mechanics later. This left a rather cross and now fully-functional Counsellor Lothar alone in the corridor with a rather petrified ensign.


Friday, December 7th, 2007
10:56 am
Check, Please
Now that Lothar was distracted with his particularly violent game of chess, the ensign whom he'd previously assaulted saw this as his opportunity to slip past Lothar and escape. However, as he tried to run by, Lothar caught him by the neck again. "Aha!" the Counsellor snarled. "I caught you en passant!" But then Lothar's face changed, and he seemed to be scolding himself, "No no no, mustn't paint the nice policeman…"

"The mind meld appears to be slipping," Storvik observed. "Perhaps T'Sorvik's work is almost complete?"

"Do you think she's safe in there?" Mib Khan asked.

Ifix shrugged.

"She is most likely more safe in there than we are out here," T'Vit theorized.

Inside Lothar, small mechanoids had been activated by his internal defensive systems and were seeking the intruder, albeit not very quickly or efficiently. Lothar's internal defense systems also needed some repairs, but T'Sorvik had not discovered those systems. If she had, she doubtless would have made sure that they weren't deployed against her.

One of the small hamster-like robots found her. It squeaked, then it attacked…

Thursday, November 29th, 2007
10:08 am
More Connections Made
T'Vit, ignoring Storvik and Mib Khan's distractions, turned to Lothar. "Counsellor," she asked, "do you, or do you not, know the current whereabouts of T'Sorvik?"

"I have already told you," T'Lothvik replied. "I did not eat me, but I am in my belly. I am busy now, but I shall come out of me when I have finished." The Counsellor continued to do whatever it was that he was doing, which seemed to involve random gestures and movements of the left side of his body.

This time, T'Vit listened not to what Lothar was saying, but to how he was saying it. "A mind meld," she said to herself. "She is inside him, somehow." As they were in a part of the USS Murgatroid with holoemitters, T'Vit called out: "Computer, give me a monitor." A flat, rectangular screen appeared in thin air, floating just over half a meter in front of her face. "Are you still unable to locate T'Sorvik?"

"Yes," replied the computer, both vocally and in text upon the holo-screen.

"Show me the last visual recording you have of T'Sorvik," she next commanded. All of them had asked the computer where T'Sorvik currently was, but none of them had asked where she had been.

"Working," said the computer in a monotone, before playing back a recording of T'Sorvik climbing into Lothar's access panel.

"Lothar – she fix?" asked Ifix, who had also seen the playback.

"It seems so," she responded to the engineer, then once again addressed the computer. "Computer, play back recording for Captain Storvik and Doctor Khan." Holographic monitors appeared in front of the officers' faces, cutting off their view of, and conversation with, each other. After they'd watched the recording, and also realized what was happening, T'Vit inquired, "Now that everything has been explained, should we attempt to extract her, or allow them to continue?"

"Actually, it still doesn't explain the dress," muttered Khan, who made his own inquiries to the computer and watched a playback of Alabama Picard playing "dress up" with Lothar. "AAAIIIEEE!" he screeched, and immediately instructed his tricorder not to update his other clones with that memory. "A thong What was Picard thinking"

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
9:04 pm
It later occurred to Picard that what she(he) should have done at least an hour ago was report the situation to security, or perhaps the captain. "But heck, they never listen to me." She was also having a lot of fun climbing around in the jeffries tubes. Not that it seemed like Lothar should be in the jeffries tubes, but it occurred to Picard that the tubes seemed to be an excellent place to launch a rescue mission. (It should be noted that, as a botanist, Picard had been on very few actual rescue missions. To give Picard credit where it was due, she was essential during the rescue of Ensign Triffid, back when Picard was still physically male. That was a very long time ago, however.)

The exit hatch from jeffries tube 3 clanked open, and Picard peered through, visor still concealing half her face, and waving a laser-tiller violently at Ensign Heavens. "Have you seen Lothar? I think somebody stole him from me." Picard cursed under her breath. "Goshdarned tomato snatchers."

Ensign Heavens had been having a bad day and said several slightly compthings very quickly about Lothar in a dress and T'Sorvik being eaten and the captain and Khan.

"Huh. Ain't that strange." Picard replied, and began to crawl back up the jeffries tube. She crawled back down a moment later. "Tell me, what did you think of the dress? Is it, y'know, sexy but still respectable? D'ya think I should go with a nice blue instead?"

Heavens was aghast. "A little girl has been devoured and you're worrying about a DRESS?"

Picard looked abashed. "Sorry, ma'am. Somethin's strange is going on here, but I reckon I'll figure out what. You count on Mr. Picard, lil lady." Picard disappeared again, then reappeared. "By the way, I get a real nice view of your caboose from up here. Keep workin' out, doll; lookin' good!" Picard winked at Heavens then disappeared up the jeffries tube for the final time.

Picard remembered Heavens mentioning Khan... and wondered if this was not all to do with one of the clones' experiments. Or if someone had been eaten, there might be a good place to look. She climbed towards sickbay, yelling as she approached the correct floor, her twangy alto voice reverberating through the corridors:

Sunday, November 25th, 2007
7:33 pm
A belated rescue attempt...
"Ya know," Alabama Picard said to her(him)self. Alabama was often alone in the hydroponics bay, so talking to herself was not uncommon. "This is why I'm a specialist rather than a full-on science officer. It takes me too long to make a damn decision."

Alabama had spent a good deal of time trying to decide whether she(he) should find Lothar or continue to protect her precious tomatoes from violation by any strung-out and hungry crew. She carefully weighed the options, the outcomes, and the tomatoes (surely they would win the contest this year, if they survived).

Strange security reports were popping up on the computer, however, and Picard figured it probably had something to do with the missing cyborg.

So, after taking some time to string up some tripwires throughout the hydroponics bay (booby traps, of course), Alabama hefted her(his) laser-powered garden tiller and donned her chloro-radiation detection visor (used to analyze plant compounds; she figured some of the "natural elements" makeup she'd put on Lothar might be detectable, especially since she spilled a bunch of face powder down him) and stomped out of the hydroponics bay to search for her missing security guard.

"LOOOOTHAAAAAR! I'm'a comin' fer ya!"
Saturday, November 24th, 2007
6:31 pm

The mind meld was a success – remarkably so, in fact; the two minds seemed to almost perfectly complement each other. Lothar's anger met T'Sorvik's emotional control (along with the seven-year-old girl's underlying happiness). T'Sorvik's youth and innocence met Lothar's experience and guile. Lothar's maturity met T'Sorvik's immaturity … or, perhaps, it was the other way around. It was difficult to say, now that their minds were one, which traits came from which individual. The gestalt consciousness, which was whimsically referring to itself as "T'Lothvik", was now able to exercise precise and total control of the bodies in which it inhabited – those parts of Lothar's body which could not be controlled through direct neuromuscular signals could be controlled through T'Sorvik's hands on the controls inside; and she was no longer hampered with an inability to see Lothar's surroundings since she could now see out of Lothar's eyes.

Mib Khan had put away his tricorder. He and Storvik were trying to figure out why Lothar was assaulting himself when Lothar suddenly stopped, and seemed to visibly compose himself. The counsellor stood up straight, and looked at his Captain/Father Storvik. "[I] have not eaten [me]," T'Lothvik announced. "But [I] have almost fixed [me], and then [I] will be able to come out."

"You're going to 'come out'?" asked Doctor Khan. "Well, you're certainly dressed for it."

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